Letter To God
November 24, 2012 § 33 Comments
I realize you’re not very fond of me. Quite frankly, I’m not your biggest fan either, and as you know so very well, I’m not the only one feeling that way. I suppose you understand it’s because we don’t agree on several things.
First of all, you have this habit of making stuff a certain way and banning them. You make a man gay and then claim homosexuality is a sin. You make us horny and declare adultery is a sin. Second, you know the future, you know everything that’s going to happen and yet say you are testing us. Isn’t it boring to watch an event that’s been spoiled for you? Also, since you are so good, quit being so bad and blaming it on Satan. You are the God, your powers are greater than his.
Don’t get upset because of what I just wrote. This letter’s purpose is in fact; a truce. You want us to do what you want and we want you not to screw us, let’s compromise:
-Instead of prayers to prove our love for you, how about flowers and chocolate on Valentine’s day? Because ain’t nobody got time for that.
-Don’t write a book until you’re sure what you want us to do.
-Cancel the winter season.
-Bring back James Dean.
-Allow sex before marriage. People are so tense these days, trust me this might save the humanity.
-Cancel the hymen.
-Make money trees.
-Cancel hell. If you love us so much.
-Make us good. If you want us to be so.
That being said, there is another demand which I think is actually your job. You are the good, you are the kindness, the love, the ultimate one and only creator of everything. So if you’re like an amazing dude and the world sucks, what the fuck are you doing up there apart from judging us? Help us out here. Even Satan is more of an activist than you.
I suppose those are the only requests I have for you right now, apart from the fact that you have to chill more. If any others pop up, I’ll be sure to send them. Please send two photos of you in the reply letter, I need them for the blog. Please kill me when I’m twenty seven. Also, I lost my earring in the ocean, please give it back.
PS: Remind me why you impregnated the virgin Mary. I mean dude, no good can clearly ever come from such a thing.